He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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