Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
