Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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