you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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