Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
