I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This toilet bowl is my home.
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