ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
