I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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