hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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