The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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