i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would fuck him just for his dog
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
