u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
