You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
