So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
