OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
