Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
