if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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