I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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