he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
