How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
