I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
