just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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