Me too!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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