I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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