im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i came on her dog
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
