My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
