I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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