Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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