I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
