thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
