So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
