sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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