I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
