Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
