Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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