you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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