My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
