Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
