Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
