We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
