If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
