imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
