I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
