bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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