I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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