How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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