i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
