Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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