party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
