Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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