don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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