Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
